R.I.P. Bellator MMA

R.I.P. Bellator MMA

The mutilation of Bellator MMA at the hands of Scott Coker has forced the MMA community to pay homage at a closed casket funeral on 6/28/2017 (4 days after the murder date as custom in America). I had such high hopes for Bellator after signing some exciting UFC talent and some other legends of the sport, but on June 24th, 2017 my excitement boner went flaccid for the final time.

Man, what a catastrophic event Bellator NYC was. Not only did it suck, but there was a charge to watch the suck. Like real american dollars! 30 of them to be exact! As I was sitting there trying to keep my eyes open the only thing I could think of was how many McDoubles I had to sacrifice to watch the shitshow that was in front of my eyes. Honestly, I was excited for Davis vs. Bader, Lima vs. Larkin, Chandler vs. ?, Fedor vs. Mitrione, and Sonnen vs. Silva. I was defending this card as exactly what Bellator needed to establish themselves as number 2. Veterans of the sport with real star power, legitimate MMA fighters in their prime, and up and coming talent is the exact formula needed for success. I was convinced Scott Coker finally pulled his head just far enough out of his ass to plan a great event.

Then Saturday’s card ended and it was the worst possible outcome for everything. Fedor lost to Mitrione, so now Fedor’s career is effectively over. Chael humped Wandy’s for so long I imagine Wandy is pregnant by now and now Wandy’s career is likely over. Chandler had a freak injury so he’ll probably be back, but it didn’t help shit. Larkin and Lima did nothing for 97% of the fight, but it wasn’t terrible in comparison to Bader vs. Davis, so Lima and Larkin are safe for now. Bader vs. Davis put the entire watching public to sleep prior to even getting to the main card that you had to pay for! They both need to do something with their lives that doesn’t involve entertaining an audience.

Then after the event Coker immediately sticks his head back up his ass and tells the 87 people who actually watched the post fight presser that there will be more, scratch that, MANY MORE Bellator PPV’s. Like what the fuck?

I know I’m smarter than most of the world (I have a shitload of degrees from prestigious Universities to prove it), but for fuck sake Bellator have you heard of product differentiation? If you haven’t, let me give you an example. If the UFC has Saturday night fights, mostly pay per view, with a ranking system, the goal would be to do something different to attract consumers. I’m thinking like Friday night fights, for free, with a tournament style format. Wait, OH SHIT, you already did that? Wait, it was successful with less talent than you have now? Ah yes, I forgot you brought Coker in to fuck that up because it’s clear that you hate MMA.

I Hope you enjoyed your last $30.00 from your former consumer’s Bellator. Maybe you can use some of that money to hire a competent CEO? Not sure what the CEO will be doing though since Bellator is dead, past the point of revival dead, like dead dead!

RIP Bellator MMA and to hell with you Coker. Fuck off for eternity.  

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